Attack of Mary Sue and the Fangirl!
by omni82
Summary: *Complete* It's just a normal night on the town for Batman when he runs into every reader's nightmare - Mary-Sue!!


Disclaimer: I own no one. I made some spoofs on some things I've read but that does not mean I don't like the stories. I just needed fodder, ya know?  
  
Attack of Mary Sue and the Fangirl  
  
By: omni82  
  
The night was dark and stormy, a prequel to the clicheness that would soon occur. Gotham's Caped Crusaders, Batman and Robin, perched majestically on the rooftop of a cathedral and watched as the city's night life spawned crimes of unspeakable evil.  
  
"Jiminy Jilligers, Batman," Robin commented, "Do you think that the Joker will try to rob the church tonight?"  
  
Batman laughed heartily. "Jiminy Jilligers indeed Robin. The Joker is the most nefarious criminal in Gotham. Now that he has escaped Arkham Asylum on the basis of being a reformed man, there will be no limit to the destruction he will cause."  
  
A strangled cry reached their ears from the seedy looking alley next to the church. A thug with No Nonsense Pantyhose for a mask was attacking a beautiful woman. It seemed that he was intent on beating her senseless before raping her.  
  
"Holy Orders Batman! What is that villain doing to that beautiful woman?!" Robin cried out.  
  
"Come Robin, we must save her!" Batman commanded his naïve young protégé as he leapt off the roof. Swinging down, Batman's feet caught the villain straight in the chest, bowling him over and knocking him out.  
  
"I could have done that on my own!" The beautiful woman cried. She threw back her head defiantly, the gold of her hair catching the light from the full moon. "I'm trained in seven forms of deadly combat and could have killed him where he stood." Suddenly, she collapsed and only the strong arms of Batman prevented her from hitting the pavement.  
  
"Are you hurt?" Batman demanded as he scooped her frail form into his arms. By God, he would kill the man who could hurt such a beautiful yet terrifyingly delicate woman. As he gazed down into the beautiful face, he felt love blossom in his heart. Now his only goal in life was to protect this proud flower from the rigors of life.  
  
"I'm fine," she murmured as her arm snaked around his neck, "now that you're here."  
  
"Join me," he whispered into her hair. "Help make Gotham a safe place for everyone to live. I know you are angry at that man for killing your family but you can honor your family most by protecting the weak."  
  
"Oh Batman." She whispered right before they kissed. It was long and passionate and Rated R despite that young Robin was still standing there doing nothing as his partner made out with some random woman.  
  
"What's your name?" Batman asked as he finally came up for air. Somehow, they were standing on a rooftop by Gotham Harbor and Nightwing replaced Robin as sidekick.  
  
"Mary-Sue," She replied breathily. She wore a black spandex bodysuit and a mask that made her some superhero-vigilante named Shadow Vixen.  
  
"Mary-Sue," Batman said, "That's a beautiful name."  
  
"Batman! Look out!" Nightwing cried. He tackled his partner to the ground, wincing in pain as a stray bullet cut into his arm.  
  
"Dick! Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm okay Batman but who is that?" He pointed to cloaked figure at the end of the rooftop as the former Boy Wonder scrambled to his feet.  
  
The cloaked figure laughed evilly as a bolt of lightning revealed her to be a very pretty young woman. She wore an outfit that matched Mary-Sue's only without a mask and with the addition of a cape.  
  
"You are mine now Batman!!" The girl cried.  
  
"Who are you?" Batman demanded. He threw a couple of Batarangs at her, which she easily batted aside.  
  
"I am Fangirl!!" She crowed in delight before punching him in the face. Batman staggered and fell to one knee.  
  
"Fangirl?" he questioned. Why did that name strike sudden fear into his heart and why was he tempted to do out of character acts?  
  
"I created Mary-Sue to be your downfall only I didn't foresee that she would fall in love with you and be unable to complete her mission. Now, I must do it myself, with the power of creative liberty!!" She cackled madly and suddenly a dozen, vicious Mary-Sue's from Mary-Sue's ninja clan surrounded Batman. They all wore skimpy outfits with spiked heels. Simultaneously, they attacked. Batman and Nightwing - no it was Batgirl now- stood back-to-back, ready for the onslaught.  
  
"Batman, if we don't get out of here alive, I want you to now that I love you." Batgirl declared. "I'm also pregnant with Dick Grayson's precocious baby who will idolize and adore you."  
  
Just as the ninja clan's throwing stars were about to hit Batman, Mary-Sue threw herself in front of him. The stars hit vital areas that were covered by clothes so she was tastefully dripping blood but you couldn't see it.  
  
"Mary-Sue!!! No!!" Batman cried as images of his parents' deaths flashed before him. "Not another person, who sacrificed themselves for me," he cried brokenly.  
  
"Bruce I love you," she whispered as she died because she apparently knew who he was.  
  
"Mary-Sue, I swear that I will never forget you and that I will raise our child to be just like her mother." Batman promised because apparently they had a daughter.  
  
"Fangirl, I will destroy you!" He passionately declared to the burgeoning night sky. Fangirl knew the sudden fear authors face when a story gets horribly out of control.  
  
"The only way to stop her is by bad reviews, Batman!" Robin deduced. The sprightly lad jumped into position besides his partner.  
  
"Fangirl, you are going down," Batman vowed.  
  
"UR Sick, UR Story SUX!" Robin cried.  
  
"It made very little sense and the characters were nothing more than slaves to your uninspired whims!" Batman declared.  
  
"Save fanfiction; cut your fingers off!" Robin shouted. Fangirl started to smoke.  
  
"I can't see the character ever acting like that. Why don't you get a real job and have babies or something?" Batman roared. Fangirl screeched and clutched her head.  
  
"I just wanted to tell it right," She said brokenly before she died. Batman and Robin stood amongst the rubble, surveying the scene before them. Calling it a good night's work, they hopped into the Batmobile and went home.  
  
The End 


End file.
